you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
