What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
