She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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