cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
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