Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think my mom watched the whole time
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
