she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
