Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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