Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
