Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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