you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
