And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
