Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
