I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
