I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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