No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
