She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
