its not stalking. its research.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
