oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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