i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
