remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
