Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
