we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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