Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
