Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
