guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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