Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
