I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
