Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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