i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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