dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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