Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
