What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
