All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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