just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
