so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
