Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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