Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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