i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize