So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
