I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
