I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
