She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
