For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
