my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
