I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
