Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
