Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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