i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
