Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
