trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
