This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
