he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
