did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
