Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
