Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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