His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize