it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
