Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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