Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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