Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
