I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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