i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
