God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
