he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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