no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
