no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
