Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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