I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
