im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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