sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
