**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
