so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He passed out mid-signature
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
