Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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